Declutter Your Situation: Self-Compassion

I will talk to myself the same way I talk to people I love
-Brene Brown

I stormed out of that woman's house vowing never to see her mean arse again!

How dare she tell me that my self-esteem was low and that it was blocking my acting ability?!

She didn't even know me. She was just an old, judgmental wench!

But I decided to do her stupid exercise anyway. 

I had visited one of the best acting coaches in the country. 

I jumped into acting head first hoping it would distract me from the fact that 

my marriage, and thus my family, had fallen apart.

Acting was supposed to have been therapeutic.

But the exercise she gave me was getting in the way of me getting my therapy. 

I just wanted to act.

So before I went to bed that night, I took out my new canvas journal 

full of crisp, white sheets for me to write on. 

I had always had a love of  pretty journals.

Writing 5 things that I loved about myself was gonna be easy. 

So I hurriedly numbered my paper so I could get it over with and go to sleep.

But I sat there stuck on number 1.

Why was it so hard to think of the good things about me?

I halfheartedly scribbled down something about loving my body.

But a thought quickly passed through my mind about how I needed to lose about 20 pounds.

I wrote another thought about how I loved that I was a loving and lovable woman.

My mind quickly reminded me that I was in the midst 

of a divorce with a man who seemed to no longer love me. 

Maybe I wasn't all that lovable after all.

I ignored the thoughts and kept writing. 

Each time I fought to ignore that little sabotaging demon in my mind. 

It was obvious that in order to love myself, I had to silence that 

inner critic who always saw in black and white. 

To her, I was either perfect or trash. I definitely wasn't perfect.

So to her....

 I was crap.

Being hard on myself had been a way of life.

Whenever friends called for advice, I always spoke to them with compassion. 

I encouraged them to see things as they were. 

Ok, you and your boyfriend broke up. That's all it is. 

Shit happens. 

Everyone has had a break up or 3.

A break up doesn't mean that you're not good enough, not pretty enough, not worthy.

But when it came to dealing with myself....I wasn't so nice.

Decluttering  my situation meant being compassionate, kind and forgiving to myself.

I still had those negative thoughts. 

But instead of allowing them to get me in my feelings...I just watched them pass by.

I knew my old ways were trying to mark their territory and keep their hold on me. 

But I was determined to be in charge of my thoughts. I was determined to be kind to myself.

And I was determined to get back to that acting coach and blow her away.

By not indulging in my own negativity, I felt lighter, less burdened, less pressured and less stressed. 

I was decluttering my mental foolishness.

Self-compassion means letting yourself off the hook.

Not expecting perfection from yourself.

Allowing yourself to experience every emotion without judging yourself.

Allowing yourself to have flaws.

Being nice to yourself when you don't meet your own deadlines--Those closets don't need to be completely organized in one weekend. It took more than one weekend to clutter them. Be nice to yourself and give yourself a reasonable deadline to declutter them.

And self-compassion is also doing kind gestures for others.

So if you don't get to those closets this weekend because hanging out with your friends would make you happier.....don't beat yourself up about it. Choosing happiness is self-compassion.

(Well maybe you could at least take one of those bags of clothes to the Goodwill on your way....)

Love yourself first

xoxo

Amina