Sunday, October 19, 2014

4 Signs It's Time to Chuck the Deuces!

So you've realized that your relationship is toxic, unhealthy and just plain ole stressful.
But for some reason, you are still madly in love with that fool so you decide to stick around because he has soooo much potential.

Well let me tell you something, honey....love ain't gonna make him act right, love you, bring you flowers, respect you, give you attention, appreciate you, be romantic, cherish you, buy you gifts, take out the trash, brush his teeth, pay the bills, stop cheating, put you first, wash his arse or whatever else you were hoping your love could heal.

But I'm guessing that you still need that extra push to know for sure that this relationship isn't worth anymore of your time. Well, let me help you out. OK, get out of your feelings for a moment and let's take an objective look at your relationship.  Here are just a few signs that you might want to chuck the deuces and move on to something (or someone) better:

1. You all constantly argue, fight, or bicker.
 All relationships, even the most healthy, lovey-dovey ones, have valleys and peaks. There will be times when you all argue, when he can't stand to hear your voice and you can't stand to hear him breathe. But those times should be few and far between. If you find that you and your beau are at each others' throats daily and you just can't stop fighting....google some relationship problem-solving techniques, go to couple's counseling, or enlist whatever help you can get. But if it just won't stop and your relationship lows become more frequent than the highs, you might want to ask yourself if you are willing to put up with this long term.

2. You and your feelings are no longer his priority.
Alright, so another weekend came and went and he STILL didn't make time for you. You were hoping for a date night on Friday or maybe just brunch on Sunday morning. He didn't even try to squeeze in time for you. Or maybe he did put in "effort" to see you but didn't follow through. Yeah, ummmm, that's not ok. I know, I know....he's soooo busy, he's an entrepreneur and he needed to focus on his business, his momma needed him, he had to walk his dog, he had to do laundry, blah blah blah. People make room and time for the things and people they love. Wherever he puts his attention is where his heart is. He made you his significant other for a reason. So why should you accept being anything less than significant to him? If you find yourself in this predicament...approach your honey and express how you feel. But if he blows you off, invalidates your feelings, and doesn't make an effort to do something different.....then the writing is on the wall. Pay attention!

Which brings me to my next point...

3. You're just plain ole miserable, unhappy and you find yourself fantasizing about being anywhere but with him.
Indifference is the opposite of love. Not hatred. When you reach the point where you start envisioning yourself on an amazing vacation...but without your honey....yeah, you might want to go ahead and create your exit plan. You know you're apathetic when your thoughts of the future no longer include him, when the thought of him leaving you doesn't make you sad, when you no longer get excited to see his name pop up on your phone. This usually happens around the time when you become sick and tired of being sick and tired. You turn your emotions off, put up your guard, and check out of the relationship. You might as well leave since your heart has already left the building.

4. ABUSE
Ok, abuse is NEVER okay! Ever! And please don't tell yourself "well, at least he never put his hands on me". Abuse comes in many forms. Physical abuse is probably the most recognizable. But verbal and emotional abuse are just as detrimental. Personally, it's my opinion that emotional abuse is the worst because of its lasting effects. Abuse will screw up your self-esteem, self-love, self-worth and can lead to you taking on the traits of your abuser, experiencing depression, addictions, codependency, and can just eff up your life. Walk...no RUN away from abuse. Plus, stress just ain't cute and it does nothing for your sexy. You can't preserve your sexy when you aren't feeling good about you. Stress ages you and makes you fatter (we've all seen those cortisol commercials). Girl, don't let a fool rob you of your youth, beauty, love or sanity. 
You'll need all of those for the next man. ;)


Of course, this list isn't all inclusive. There are plenty of
other reasons not to sacrifice yourself for a relationship. In every situation, ask yourself if what you're experiencing feels like love. If it doesn't, be thankful for the lesson and move on.

xoxo
Amina



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